A Man’s Mentality Has It’s Perks
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10 THINGS MEN DO THAT WOMEN CAN START DOING TO PROPEL OUR LIVES
1. BE LESS EMOTIONAL
Let’s face it, women have a tendency to be more emotional than men. Now that’s not such a bad thing, however, there are moments when it can escalate. We revel and indulge ourselves in our emotions and allow strong feelings to drive our actions and decisions. This can sometimes lead to cloud of judgement and immature and impulsive actions; typically words we unconsciously fire and end up regretting. Not only that, but when we entertain our emotional thoughts, we have a habit of losing ourselves in them and allowing negative energies to consume us. Most men on the other hand, have the uncanny ability to instead separate their emotions when it comes to making decisions or dealing with situations which undoubtedly helps them in the long run. Note: NOT ALL MEN DO THIS, however, they practice it more often that women. In John Gray’s famous book, Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus, he even delineates how men are more logical thinkers while women are more emotional. As a dear friend put it, “women have 100 emotions for one thing, while men have 2.”
2. AVOID COMPLEXITY AND KEEP IT SIMPLE
If I got a dollar for every single time I heard a man ask why women cannot just tell him what she wanted blatantly, I would be a millionaire (No, seriously. I would be). As women, we complicate things quite a bit, whether that’s intentional or not. We over think situations and look for subliminal messages in whatever we can when clearly there is no need to. How many times have we asked a girlfriend what we thought his text message “really meant” or complained about how “I just want him to want to do what I want without me having to say it to him!” Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there and done that. Sometimes, it’s better to just be straightforward.
3. TALK ABOUT IT ONCE AND MOVE ON
Let me just start by admitting, guilty as charged on this one. More often than not, women tend to not forgive and never forget than really forgive and forget. If you’re going to remember something, remember that the past is the past. Do not bring up the past to attack a person out of hurt or anger. Vindictiveness is not healthy. Vengeance is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It’s futile. Bringing to limelight unpleasant memories only adds negativity and sabotages any attempt of reconciliation. This will only backfire and create a larger barrier and conflict between both parties. If you said you forgave someone, then forgive them and let go. Forgive and move on. Don’t forget. I personally do not believe in forgetting mistakes and wrongdoings; however, I do believe in forgiving and learning. Accept that the past cannot be changed and utilize the present to create a better future. There’s no point in dwelling over nuances of the past. Let alone bringing them back up.
4. BE SELFISH
As Kevin Hart hilariously joked in his stand-up comedy, Seriously Funny, “Do you booboo! DO YOU!!!” It’s natural for women to care for others. We want to please and cater to everyone, especially those who matter most to us. We may not want to admit it, but we do. Women want to nurture and comply with our significant other’s selfish needs. Don’t get me wrong, caring is a desired and reputable quality in any person. Being altruistic is something we praise at The Modern Alice. However, despite this innate desire to please others, it’s okay to please yourself first. It’s alright to be selfish. To make yourself a priority and take care of your wants and needs before catering to anyone else. Taking care of yourself allows you to take care of others. Be more like men (to an extent). Men are selfish creatures and that’s alright. Sometimes you have to be a little selfish too. When you put yourself first, you begin to build an appreciation for yourself and understand what you are capable of. Not only that, but what you are willing to tolerate and fight for. Words of caution, however, do everything in moderation. Don’t be selfish just to be selfish or egotistical. Be selfish where you appropriately allocate care and effort unto yourself before freely giving it to matters that don’t deserve it.
5. DON’T SEEK APPROVAL
Now I’m not talking about being a female asshole but more of a do not seek approval from anyone kind of attitude in validating your worth. Let me further elaborate. We all know how women are more conscious about their reputation and appearance than men are. Whether everyone agrees or not, it’s obvious that women seek attention, acceptance, and the utter feeling of being valued more prominently than men do. Our opposites, however, are more apathetic to what others really view them as and throw those notions out the window. Although men have a competitive edge, they do not necessarily seek societal approval as women naturally do. It’s a man’s world, they do whatever they want and worry about the consequences later. Women rarely adhere to breaking the rules for fear of perception, however. Not all, but most. As mentioned before, we have a tendency to please others. Women want to be accepted by everyone which doesn’t always work and we end up spreading ourselves too thin and losing ourselves in the process. As Kris Carr simply put it, “You can”t please everyone. When you”re too focused on living up to other people”s standards, you aren’t spending enough time raising your own. Some people may whisper, complain, and judge. But for the most part, it”s all in your head. People care less about your actions than you think. Why? They have their own problems!”
6. TAKE THE INITIATIVE AND BE ASSERTIVE
I’ve seen it countless of times happen and have experienced it more than I’d like to admit. It’s happened to a plethora of ladies, including myself, and we all wish we could have just stepped up to the plate. I’m talking about assertiveness. Whether that’s in the boardroom or the bedroom. Sometimes, it’s better to take matters into your own hands and take the reigns. You’ll get more respect for trying than avoiding. There have been too many situations where women have opted out or kept quiet about taking leadership roles on a project or emergency situation (there are, mind you, exceptions who are leveling the playing field in any industry). We need to have confidence in our abilities and take control of the situation when the opportunity arises. The majority of alpha males are decisive and self-assured. They know what they want and how to get it. They stop at nothing to achieve their goals. This exact attitude and drive is what women need to start emanating. Reflecting our counter parts is not necessarily abandoning our womanhood, just enhancing our capabilities even further by mirroring the best characteristics of the opposite sex.
7. BE OVERTLY CONFIDENT
Not arrogant, but confident with a sense of conviction. I mean, if you stop to think about it, why exactly is it that women are so attracted to egotistical men? My best guess is that it’s probably due to their overbearing confidence. Confidence is sexy. It is also a crucial factor in succeeding in whatever we do. Knowing your strengths and exploiting them to your advantage will only push you forward rather than hinder you. After all, if you’re not willing to invest in yourself, then no one else will. As a woman, knowing who you are and what you are capable of and not having the ounce of fear in publicizing that, will get you light-years ahead of the game. Radiating genuine amount of confidence in yourself because you are comfortable in your own skin and knowing your worth does not make you a diva. It just solidifies the #girlboss and #modernAlice in you. If you are just too modest and humble, it doesn’t hurt to boast about your abilities when trying to secure that position or date. Just refrain from excessive narcissism or vanity. Let’s face it, being dogmatic and having a confident demeanor is not necessarily a sin.
8. LIVE IN THE MOMENT
Women too often worry about the future that we forget to enjoy the present. We’re always thinking/day-dreaming about the future (ties back to over thinking every little mundane thing) which can lead to a negative domino affect. Planning is essential. It is vital to a successful future but being too focused on what can happen instead of appreciating what is happening will only hurt us in the long run. We start to expect certain things to fall into place that may not occur which ends up disappointing us because we got our hopes up too high. High standards are fine, but unrealistic expectations at impossible time frames are not. Sometimes we are too wrapped up about so many things that we miss out on the grand things that are currently at play. This can drain the happiness and fun right out of a person. People are attracted to those who are spontaneous and are focused on the now. In the famous words of Mother Theresa, “Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.”
9. INDULGE YOUR INNER CHILD
It’s a known fact that most men are like children. I’ve heard numerous times where girlfriends, wives, sisters, and just women in general complain about how their men are like little kids. In all honesty, I find it very adorable, charming, and quite refreshing. Men do not have as much inhibitions as women and they let loose without fear of judgement. Like children, they are adventurous and like to explore uncharted territories (that can be interpreted in several manners, all up to you my dear Modern Alices). Most men like to have a good time and engage in fun activities no matter how outrageous and obscene it is, which is similar with children and their curiosity to experience new things. As women, we need to adopt this mentality and let our inner child out. When appropriate, let go of all reservation and have fun. Have a tickle fight, do sleep overs, go on the swing with your best friend at a nearby park, and try new things you’ve never done. Don’t mind what others will say as long as you are enjoying yourself. Sometimes we reminisce on being a kid again because of their carefree lifestyle and nature. Sometimes we don’t have to reminisce, but just indulge in our inner child. Don’t wish, do.
10. BE THE BREADWINNER
Last but not least, bring home the bacon. Be your own knight-in-shining-armor. Strive to be the number one provider for your family, and if you do not have one, then the sole provider for yourself. Men do not always have to be the head of the household. Deep down inside, no matter how big of a feminist you are, you still want a man to take care of you at the end of the day. That’s alright. But be determined to be an ambitious person that your significant other, your family, and you yourself will be proud of. Financially, men historically have made more money than women and have consistently been the breadwinner. Albeit that has changed dramatically in the last few years, it’s still a prominent image to this day. There is nothing wrong with that either, however, it never hurts to have your own financial footing steady on the ground if something were to happen to your relationship or to your spouse if you’re married. Also, being the breadwinner gives you a higher level of confidence and self-esteem. It teaches you independence and there’s nothing more appealing than a woman that can handle her own. I mean, the hunt is always better when the queen is just as hungry as her king. Building an empire together is far better than sitting on a throne bored out of your mind.
- The Ultimate Do’s and Don’ts of Gym Etiquette – Train like a beast, look like a beauty, behave like a princess.
- Why The Fake It Till You Make It Mentality Is A Bad Idea – You better walk the walk if you’re going to talk the talk.
- Keeping Motivated – Sometimes we hit a wall, but don’t ever forget why you started; always persevere.
- Don’t Make Mountains Out of Molehills – Don’t be such a drama queen.
- Not All That Glitters is Gold – Social media is everyone’s highlight reel; don’t get stuck in the smoke and mirrors.
Think these 10 tips are a good? Feel free to share with your girlfriends! If you feel like we should do one on what men should do that women already practice, let us know. Share your opinions and tag us at #conqueringWonderland!